Don't You Dare Say Goodbye
by carolinelea
Summary: A short angst piece ahead of The Climb. Written on speculation of Oliver's leaving Starling to go to Nanda Parbat. Olicity.


**A short angst piece ahead of The Climb. Written on speculation of Oliver's leaving Starling to go to Nanda Parbat.

* * *

><p><em>"You're going. You're really going."<em>

Felicity closes her eyes tightly as her own words echo in her head.

_"I have to."_

The Oliver she sees in her memories won't meet her gaze. He zips up the bag on the table in front of him and braces his hands on the edge.

_"This is a duel. With one of the most dangerous men that has ever walked the earth."_

In the present, Felicity's legs tremble and she doesn't fight the wave of nausea and desperate hopelessness as it brings her to her knees. She collapses onto the bed she bought him and curls up there, biting her lip and heaving deep breaths.

She's all out of tears, and dry sobbing will do nothing but drive her more deeply into her spiral. She closes her eyes again and gives herself over to the unrelenting flood of memory and pain.

_"You know why I have to go."_

_"Let me go with you," she says, but she knows it's a pointless request._

_"Absolutely not," he tells her, voice strong and full of conviction. He still refuses to meet her eyes._

_"Then let Digg, or Roy –"_

_"No," he snaps, and she hasn't taken another full breath before Oliver's rough hands are both forceful and gentle at the back of her head, angling her face up at him, just as he did when he kissed her in the hospital hallway. His eyes – so dark blue around the rims, so light near the center – bore into her without any of their usual guardedness._

_"_I love you_," he says, and his voice is so sincere and compelling that the half-breath she had been in the midst of drawing in stutters and stops. "And my being in love with you only makes you less safe. This time more than most. I've put a target on your back. On my whole family's backs. That's why I have to go; I have to fix this."_

_"No," she whispers brokenly, like a child, because she has no reasonable words to use to convince him to stay. The first of many tears rain down over her cheeks, onto his fingers. He doesn't attempt to wipe them away._

_"Yes," he says, and leans down as if to kiss her, but she shakes her head free of his grip and presses her face into his chest. She wraps her arms around his torso, fists her hands in the back of his shirt, and clings to him._

_"No," she whimpers again. She feels his chest inflate with a sigh. She squeezes her arms more tightly as he exhales, as if she can compress him into something small and easily hidden in a drawer, away from Ra's al Ghul. He envelops her in his arms and puts his lips on top of her head._

_"I'm sorry," he murmurs into her hair._

_They hold each other. When he tries to pull away, Felicity shakes her head violently and grips the material of his shirt so hard that it tears._

_"No!"_

_"I'm sorry," he says again, more pain in his voice this time. She feels his strength in a way she never has before as he forcibly unwinds her arms from his body. It's a rough gesture, and she knows she's hurting him by making him do it, but she's in such furious despair that she doesn't care about the bruises his hands will probably leave._

_He puts her arms down at her sides and walks away to pick up his bag. He stands still for a long moment, and Felicity understands that he's giving her a chance to compose herself. She swallows down the wild grief threatening to explode out of her mouth and scrubs her face of leftover tears._

_Oliver turns back to her and begins to say something, but she interrupts him._

_"Don't you dare say goodbye."_

_His eyes shine with unshed tears._

_"Okay," he says in a low voice._

_"And don't you dare kiss me on the mouth, either, Oliver Queen," she grounds out. "Because if you do, I'll do anything I can to keep you from leaving. I swear to God, I'll chain you to the bed, if I have to."_

_Her words are spoken, as they so often are, before she thinks about any innuendos. Oliver breathes out sharply, an incredulous laugh hidden in the sound, and he blinks several times to clear his eyes of tears. He takes one step towards her and she closes her eyes and clenches her fists, trying to deter herself from grabbing on to him again. His lips press themselves against her forehead for a moment before he draws away and swiftly moves toward the door._

_"Let's save that for when I get back," she hears, because she can't bear to open her eyes and watch him leave. "Because I _will_ come back to you, Felicity Smoak."_

"Liar," she tells him, now, but the lair is empty and he isn't there to hear her. The quiet of the underground hideaway usually calms her, but the semi darkness and noiselessness of the room only seems to engender tears she didn't think she still had.

Desperate for someone or something who isn't also mourning Oliver to fill the vacuum that is the Arrow Cave, she fumbles with her phone to call Barry. He picks up quickly with a sunny "Hi, Felicity!", but his tone quickly changes when he realizes he can barely understand what she's saying.

"No danger," she manages to gasp. "Oliver gone. Could you…c - ?"

He's there in less than twenty minutes with a confused Caitlin in tow. They come to a halt in the room and Felicity manages to sit up and gather her wits. They sit down on either side of her and hold her hands as she disjointedly explains as much as she can.

When she's finished and devolved into more paralyzing tears, all the papers whip into the air as Barry takes off somewhere. Caitlin puts her thin arms around Felicity's shoulders and hugs her as Felicity cries and cries.

"He's strong, Felicity," the doctor assures her. "He'll win this. He'll come back. Barry's told me – you give him something for which to fight. Something good."

The papers take flight again with Barry's return. He's holding a tub of rocky road ice cream and a few bottles of wine. Caitlin smiles sadly and Felicity succeeds in calming herself enough to find two plastic cups ("No use in me drinking," Barry tells her ruefully) and some spoons. The three of them sit on Oliver's bed, eating and drinking and talking and listening, and they watch the dark night hours slip away into daylight.

Barry and Caitlin only stand up from Felicity's side when she has finally worn herself into a restless sleep. Barry watches in mild confusion as Caitlin tiptoes to a cabinet across the room and digs around to find the old green Arrow jacket Cisco had replaced. The hood is gone and it smells mostly like old football equipment to Caitlin, but she drapes it over Felicity anyway. The sleeping girl's brow loses its frown and she snuggles down more deeply into the garment.

"D'you really think he'll come back?" Caitlin whispers to Barry. She gazes sadly down at Felicity's prone form.

Barry doesn't answer. He fixes her with a grim look before sweeping her into his arms and taking off for their home in a burst of bright light and sneaker smoke.


End file.
